Mediator Spotlight - Deb Graceffa
Mediation Center®
Mediator Spotlight - Deb Graceffa
January 2025
What drew you to become a mediator?
Mediation was never an “exit strategy” out of litigation for me. I see many weary litigators looking for an off-ramp from the rat race of trial work. For me, I was always very interested in finding ways to resolve disputes without the confines, both actual and perceived by litigators, of the traditional litigation lifecycle. Also, I am a creative person by nature and wanted to center those traits and aspects of my personality more than the fighter part of my personality. The fighter part was becoming more well-honed than I had ever wanted it to be. I felt like litigation was too confining for the creative ways I wanted to resolve matters. Also, I really like interacting with people in a positive way and litigation didn’t allow for as much of that as I had hoped.
Can you share a memorable mediation experience?
I have many memorable mediation experiences, but I seem to have one kind of memorable experience that happens time and again. As odd as this may seem, people laugh a lot in my mediations. I work very hard at keeping the ‘fight or flight’ part of people’s brains at bay as much as I possibly can during the mediation. When people are in that mode, they don’t think clearly. They react. One way I do that is to employ humor. Many people, attorneys and parties alike, have commented at the end of the day that the mediation was “pleasant” or “oddly fun.” It is not what you expect to hear, but I find this to be very important feedback because I then know they didn’t feel beat up by what can be a very stressful and fraught experience.
What qualities do you believe are essential for a mediator?
Flexibility, creativity and the willingness to see and hear the people involved. Having good instincts about people and quickly connecting with them, often around commonalities as people. Having genuine empathy for parties and attorneys alike, without being schmaltzy about it. Not focusing on worrying about whether or not the attorneys are going to get upset with a mediator or will hire them again. Our job is to help people resolve their cases, not springboard mediations into future work. To that end, we have to work hard for the parties while being respectful of the attorneys at the same time.
Mediators cannot be a “potted plant” meaning they should consider being direct and honest about what they see and sense but not preaching at people or trying to scare them. If I am not honest about my concerns about a party or attorney’s position, I feel like I am doing them a disservice. It is all in the delivery, however. There is a very big difference between telling someone that they screwed up and will pay for it and telling them about the 20 or so mistakes I make a week and that sometimes mistakes have no consequences and sometimes they do.
What do you think is the most common misconception people have about the mediation process?
That mediation has to, by its very nature, be difficult, painful or stressful. It’s simply not true. Mediation can actually be rewarding and often surprises people when it’s done well. Also, that a mediator cannot do anything more than shuttling offers between the parties. We can and should think about what a case calls for and be brave enough to suggest that those things be done, even if it is outside of the “norm.”
What hobbies or interests do you have outside of mediation that complement your role as a mediator?
I have been a team sport athlete since I was 9 years old… soccer, basketball, softball, ice hockey and now pickleball (a sport I swore I would never try!). I have been a captain on every team I have played on. I learned from a very early age that you have to work cooperatively with people to make good things happen. I view mediation as a team sport of sorts, even when parties are in opposition to one another. Once they start the alternative dispute resolution process, everyone is in the same game of resolving their case. We are working closely together in a group effort, as odd as they may sound.
Also, and perhaps more importantly, I am a creative person and have started to dare to call myself an artist. I work to creatively capture the world around me and it helps me to look at things from many different angles to convey what I feel and what I see. I am a street photographer and an oil painter, and these pursuits push me to get up close to people and scenes and convey a message of what I have seen and experienced. Photography and painting present problems that require creative problem solving. Team sports and art have been an important part of building and flexing my people, cooperation, problem solving and insight skills.
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